I was recently texting with a friend and she called me out on something weird I was saying. I started thinking about it. A few sentences or beginning of stories popped into my head.

“I dunno it was Christmas, kinda cold out, it just seemed like the ATM would be the safest place to sleep….”

“I must have pulled my shoulder rescuing that parrakeet, the uneven hill made my wedgies wobbly…”

“Then he mentiones the year he graduated and my internal voice alarm screamed COUGAR! COUGAR! COUGAR! …”

“I was using the voice to text feature, I don’t even have balls why would I tell u to lick them…”

“Don’t tell mom about the gun….”

“Fuckin’ white people…”

“Greenbean what? Mexicans don’t eat casseroles, eww…”

“My pussy hurts…”

“How funny would it be if I just answered her email “No, I won’t you cunt”….do you think I would get fired?…..

“Hey I just saw Asian muscles at Starbucks, only he wasn’t drunk…”

“Um, well I have to ask, did you try to fuck me in the ass Sunday?……”

“Now I have to deal with that god damn hooded vulva, but she’s old, I love her….”

“Painted Bird? YES! What about the part where she gets doggie styled by that horse”

“I’m not Asian”
“No I’m not black…”
“I dont know how to speak Arabic”
“I’m not mixed….”
“What?? Inuit?? No, where did you read that word…?

“It’s cause his feathers were in my face and mouth, I fell right off the stage…”

“I just resigned myself to the fact that the police were coming, so I just waited and drank my coffee….”

“Fuck her, I bet she has pink nipples…”